Building A Marriage That Lasts

Marriage isn’t about getting lucky with the right person. It’s about building the right kind of life—together.

That’s one of the most freeing and challenging truths we can embrace as married couples. Love may start with chemistry, romance, and shared dreams, but over time, it’s habits—not feelings—that sustain and deepen that love.

So what kind of habits actually move the needle in marriage?

This past weekend at Preston Trail, we explored five habits that research, real-life stories, and biblical wisdom all affirm: when couples build these habits into their lives, they don't just stay married—they stay in love.

If you're looking for practical tools, soul-deep encouragement, or simply a place to begin again—this post is for you.

Before you can love your spouse well, you have to understand who you are—independent of your roles, titles, or relationship status. Your identity must rest in who God says you are.

The truth is: if you don’t know your identity in Christ, you’ll expect your spouse to give you what only God can. And that’s a pressure no relationship can sustain.

Start Here:
Use the Spiritual Pathways Assessment to understand how you connect most naturally with God. If your spiritual life feels dry or disconnected, this tool can help reignite your personal walk with Jesus—so your identity isn’t dependent on your partner’s mood, approval, or spiritual pace.
Take the Assessment

Most couples communicate, but few connect. Over time, the conversations that once felt effortless can become rushed, shallow, or purely logistical. Real communication is about vulnerability, curiosity, and shared emotional safety.

Great marriages make space for consistent connection. That might be a daily 10-minute check-in or a regular date night where you talk about more than the grocery list or the kids’ schedules.

Try This:
Download the 280 Date Night Questions from WinShape to help you spark deeper, more life-giving conversations. Whether you’ve been married 2 years or 20, you’ll be amazed by what you still don’t know about each other.
Get the Conversation Starters

Conflict is inevitable—but combat is optional.

Couples who make it long-term don’t avoid conflict. They just learn to fight well. That means naming what’s real, staying present without spiraling, and committing to resolution over winning.

And here's a crucial truth: you don’t have to fix everything in one conversation—but you do have to stay on the same team.

Tool Up:
Check out the Celebrate Calm podcast for guidance on emotional regulation, especially during tense moments in parenting or marriage. It’s filled with practical wisdom for keeping your cool and reconnecting when you’re in the thick of it.
Listen Here

When was the last time you learned something new about how to love your spouse?

One of the most telling markers of a strong relationship is whether or not the couple continues to learn together. Just like your car or your career, your marriage needs intentional investment.

If your relationship is struggling, you’re not broken—you’re human. But don’t wait until you're on the brink to get help.

Next Steps:
Explore a WinShape Marriage Retreat—an intentional, distraction-free weekend designed to strengthen your marriage through spiritual insight, practical tools, and guided conversation.
Explore Retreats

For Couples in Crisis:
Check out Re|Engage, a marriage discipleship and recovery ministry for couples at any stage of the journey—from healthy and hopeful to hurting and hanging by a thread.

Intimacy is about far more than physical connection. It’s about emotional safety, spiritual closeness, and mutual curiosity. And yes, that includes sex—but not just sex.

Intimacy takes time, trust, and intentionality.

Start the Conversation:
If you feel like you and your spouse are missing each other emotionally or physically, consider using the 5 Love Languages Quiz to help name and meet each other’s deepest relational needs.
Take the Quiz

Bonus Insight:
Finances are one of the leading causes of conflict in marriage. If money is a stressor in your relationship, try the Money Personality Assessment from The Money Couple to understand your different perspectives and reduce tension.
Discover Your Money Types

One of the most important (and underrated) habits of great marriages is community. When you build a circle around your relationship—mentors, friends, or small group couples—you’re setting yourselves up for growth, resilience, and accountability.

Whether your marriage feels strong or strained, don’t go it alone.

We’ve compiled a full set of notes and resources from this weekend’s message, including reflection questions and next steps:

Watch the full message; download the message notes
Helpful Tools for Your Marriage

If you want a marriage that lasts, build it on purpose.

Choose grace over grudges. Curiosity over criticism. Humility over hiding.

And most of all—don’t give up. Your story is still being written.