Faithfully Ever After: The Key To A Happy Marriage

It’s easy to idealize marriage. Most of us grew up on fairy tales and Disney movies. Stories that end with a kiss, a wedding, and those four magic words: “happily ever after.” But the older I get, the more I realize how far those words can be from the real thing.

Marriage isn’t a fantasy. It’s a formation.

It’s not something you find—it’s something you build.

And if we’re going to build it well, we’ve got to start with the foundation. Not culture’s view of marriage. Not our parents’ version. But God’s design, straight from Genesis 2.

Let’s be honest—marriage is often misunderstood. Not just in the world, but in the church too. We reduce it to romance or compatibility or status. We treat it as a reward for finding “the one” or a solution to loneliness. But none of that matches up with what God actually says.

Here are four myths that creep into our view of marriage, often without us realizing it

1. The Fairytale Lie: “Marriage means happily ever after.”
   This one hits hard. We want the love story with no conflict, the partner who just “gets us,” the life that’s picture-perfect. But when the honeymoon phase fades and the bills pile up or the quirks become conflicts, we wonder if we chose wrong. The truth? There’s no perfect partner. There’s no perfect marriage. The question isn’t, “Did I marry the right person?” but “Am I becoming the kind of spouse who honors this covenant?”
2. The Savior Lie: “You complete me.”
   Sounds romantic. But it’s actually a setup for disappointment. No one can carry the weight of our emotional and spiritual wholeness—not even our spouse. If we enter marriage expecting someone to heal us, validate us, or fill us, we will always be left aching. Only God can do that. Our spouse isn’t our Savior. And that’s a relief.
3. The Self-Fulfillment Lie: “Marriage should make me happy.”
   We’ve absorbed the idea that if a relationship no longer makes us feel good, we should walk away. But God didn’t create marriage to satisfy our every desire—he designed it to shape our character. When marriage gets hard, it isn’t a sign we’ve failed. It’s a chance to grow. What if the point of marriage isn’t happiness but holiness
4. The Redefinition Lie: “Marriage is just a commitment between any two adults.”
   We live in a world that celebrates autonomy and redefines truth based on personal experience. But Scripture is clear: marriage was designed by God to be a covenant between one man and one woman for life. That doesn’t mean we stop loving those who believe differently. It does mean we hold fast to God’s truth—even when it’s unpopular. And we do it with humility and compassion, not pride or hate.

So if marriage isn’t about happily ever after, what is it about?

Genesis 2 gives us the blueprint:
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

It’s a short verse, but it says everything we need to know about how marriage works.

➤ Marriage means “you first.”
The call to “leave” parents and cleave to a spouse is about reordering priorities. Your spouse becomes your number one human relationship. Not your kids. Not your best friend. Not your boss or your hobbies or your followers. And not your mom.
It also means leaving behind your “single” mindset. The one that says, “I’ll do what I want, when I want, if I want.” Marriage is the end of me-first living. And the beginning of us-first love.

➤ Marriage means “you only.”
The Hebrew word for “united” literally means glued together. Marriage isn’t just about emotional connection or sexual compatibility—it’s about exclusivity. A covenant. A vow that says: I choose you. I choose you when I feel it and when I don’t. When it’s easy and when it’s excruciating.
Love that lasts isn’t fueled by feelings. It’s fueled by faithfulness.

➤ Marriage means “you always.”
“One flesh” doesn’t just mean physical intimacy—it means two lives becoming one in every sense: emotionally, spiritually, financially, practically. And that oneness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s forged over decades of little moments—listening well, forgiving often, staying present, speaking kindly.

It’s built through habits. Structures that carry you when the feelings don’t. Like praying together. Having a regular date night. Saying “I’m sorry” and actually meaning it.

As David Brooks says, “Marriage is a 50-year conversation.” If you stop talking, stop listening, stop asking how each other is really doing—you start drifting. One degree at a time.

What if you're single and wondering if you'll ever have a chance at this kind of love?

What if you're divorced and dealing with pain, shame, or regret?

What if you're married and it's… hard?

What if your spouse isn’t willing to change—or maybe it’s you who needs to change and you’re afraid to admit it?

Here’s the good news: marriage was never meant to be done alone. You’re not expected to grit your teeth and white-knuckle your way through. You have a God who sees you, knows you, and wants to help you.

James 4:2 says, “You have not because you ask not.”

So ask. Ask God to soften your heart. To heal what’s broken. To strengthen your vows. To guide your next step.

And then trust him.

If you’re part of a church like mine—one that holds a biblical view of marriage—you’ve probably wrestled with how to love people who don’t share that view. You might even have close friends or family who are LGBTQ+. You may feel stuck in the tension of conviction and compassion.

Stay there.

Don’t run to one side or the other. That tension is where Jesus shows up. He didn’t resolve the discomfort of loving messy people—he entered it. He dined with outcasts. He challenged the religious. He led with truth and grace.

If we get the theology right but miss the love, we’re wrong. Every time.

So let’s be people who hold both: the truth of God’s design for marriage, and the call to love every person deeply, humbly, and without exception.

No marriage is perfect. No spouse is perfect. No family is free from brokenness. But God is still in the business of redeeming what’s broken. He takes our “not enough” and makes it more than enough.

So here’s the invitation:

Whether you’re celebrating a strong marriage, recovering from a broken one, or waiting for one to begin—build your life on the truth of God’s design.

Because “happily ever after” isn’t the goal.

But “faithfully ever after”? That just might be.

And that’s a story worth writing.