God’s Design for Relationships: Embracing the New Life in Christ

Life’s greatest joys and deepest heartbreaks are found in relationships. Whether in marriage, parenting, friendships, or within the church, the state of relationships profoundly impacts human experience. When relationships function as God designed, they bring joy, peace, and fulfillment. However, when they break down—when trust is shattered, when bitterness takes root—they can lead to some of the deepest pain imaginable.

But God’s desire is not for relationships to be a source of heartbreak. Throughout Scripture, he reveals his design for relationships that are filled with joy and rooted in his peace—his shalom. The world, however, promotes a vastly different approach, one that often leads to division, selfishness, and pain.

The Apostle Paul addresses this contrast in Ephesians 4, urging believers to leave behind the old ways of life and embrace the new life in Christ. This passage outlines how relationships can flourish when shaped by God's truth rather than the world's lies.

Paul begins by urging believers to leave behind their old way of living:


Before Christ, people are driven by broken thinking, and their thoughts determine their actions. Paul emphasizes how destructive thought patterns—confusion, spiritual blindness, and hardened hearts—lead to lives of sin and despair.

The power of thoughts cannot be underestimated. A person’s thoughts shape their actions, habits, and ultimately, their character. An old proverb illustrates this well:

• Sow a thought, reap an action
• Sow an action, reap a habit
• Sow a habit, reap a character
• Sow a character, reap a destiny

This truth is evident in the story of a young man who fell into addiction. Raised in a loving, faith-filled home, he gradually strayed, embracing substances that clouded his mind and distorted his thinking. Over time, his choices led to devastation—lost opportunities, fractured relationships, and deep despair. However, through God's grace and the support of his family, he entered recovery. When he finally became sober, he was struck by how much clearer he could think. What he once accepted as normal had actually been a fog of deception.

This is the effect of sin on the mind. When separated from Christ, thoughts become dangerous and destructive. But when renewed by Christ, a person can see clearly and live in the truth.

Paul’s message is clear: Leave the old way of thinking behind. Stop believing the world’s lies. Embrace the new life in Christ.

In contrast to the old life, Paul instructs believers to actively embrace their new identity:


The phrase "put on your new nature" implies an active choice. A Christian does not simply drift into godliness; we must make intentional decisions daily to align our thoughts and actions with Christ.

This is crucial in a world bombarded by deception. Social media glorifies attention, making people believe that whoever gets the most likes or followers has the most worth. The news promotes division, convincing people that to win in life, they must defeat others. Wall Street tells people that money defines success, while Hollywood idolizes beauty and fame.

These voices are loud and persistent. Studies suggest that individuals encounter 6,000 to 10,000 advertisements and messages daily, most of which subtly shape their values and priorities. Without a firm foundation in Christ, it is easy to be led astray.

Jesus offers a different way. The key to rejecting the world’s lies is to immerse your mind in his truth.

• Daily time in Scripture allows believers to be shaped by God's words rather than the world's voices.
• Regular fellowship with other believers offers encouragement, correction, and wisdom.

The process of putting on the new life requires renewing the mind—letting God's Word replace old patterns of thinking.

Paul does not leave these concepts in the abstract. He provides five specific ways that relationships are transformed by new life in Christ.

1. Speak Truth, Not Lies
“Stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body” (Ephesians 4:25, NLT).

Truth is foundational to all relationships. Lying—whether through gossip, slander, or deception—destroys trust. The world encourages manipulation and dishonesty for personal gain, but God's design calls for integrity.

2. Resolve Anger Quickly
“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NLT).

Anger itself is not sin but allowing it to fester leads to destruction. Many relationships crumble because of unresolved resentment. Paul urges believers to address anger promptly, rather than letting it turn into bitterness.

3. Work to Give, Not Just to Gain
“If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need” (Ephesians 4:28, NLT).

The world sees work primarily as a means for personal success, but Paul introduces a radical idea: work should be done not just to provide for oneself, but to be generous to others. This mindset shifts work from being self-centered to Kingdom-centered.

4. Use Words to Build, Not Destroy
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29, NLT).

Words have immense power. They can uplift or tear down, heal or wound. Many relationships suffer because of careless words spoken in anger or resentment. Paul challenges believers to speak life and use words to encourage others.

5. Forgive Instead of Holding Grudges
“Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32, NLT).

Forgiveness is at the heart of Christian relationships. The world encourages retaliation and resentment, but Christ calls his followers to release bitterness and extend grace, just as he has forgiven them.

Tim Keller, in his book Forgive, describes true forgiveness as:

1. Identifying with the wrongdoer—recognizing that all are sinners in need of grace.
2. Choosing to bear the cost of the offense rather than demanding repayment.
3. Praying for and blessing the offender, releasing the desire for revenge.

Forgiveness does not mean ignoring justice, it means refusing to let hatred take root.

Paul’s message in Ephesians 4 is a call to transformation. The old way of living—marked by deception, anger, selfishness, careless words, and bitterness—must be abandoned. In its place, believers are to put on a new life, defined by truth, reconciliation, generosity, encouragement, and forgiveness.

God’s design for relationships leads to joy, peace, and flourishing. By embracing new life in Christ, believers experience the kind of relationships he intended—ones filled with grace, truth, and love.

So, the question remains: What needs to change? What old patterns must be left behind? What steps must be taken to live in the fullness of Christ’s calling?

The new life awaits. It’s time to step into it.